Obituary – Lord Anthony Charles Lynton Blair

March 19, 2033


Our green and pleasant land has been graced with only a few great Prime Ministers since the title was bestowed on Sir Robert Walpole, but none have been as unequivocally successful as Tony Blair. Following his death yesterday a nation is in mourning. Now is a time to grieve, yes, but also a time to celebrate his life. After we have paid our respects he will no doubt, be accepted into the pantheon of the greatest leaders that England, Europe and The World have ever known.

A day of internet silence was called for and impeccably upheld by the nation, save for a handful of so-called ‘lefty’, so-called ‘comedians’ who felt it appropriate to excrete bile-filled character assassinations towards the dead body of one of the greatest men these isles have spawned. Scum, sub-human scum.

For the youth of today it might be hard to imagine political life in this country pre-Blairism. It seems ludicrous now to have tens of different political parties each representing opposing interests. I am baffled as to why we ever shared power in the house between two main parties. This was to be Lord Blair’s Magnus Opus: The unification of British politics and the abolition of apartheid in the House of Commons. He smashed the barriers between left and right reinstalling the uncontested, free-market liberalism that made this country great.


It was no surprise, for those who had tracked the young Mr Blair’s career, that he became such a unifying force. His ability to switch seamlessly from extolling Marx one moment, to declaring that “Margaret Thatcher is perhaps the politician I have greatest admiration for” the next, helped him to overcome the divisions between the parties and become all things, to all people.

Political dissent was also a major feature of life in the early years of the century. Leaders of today have ample opportunity to tweak or change policies by throwing them out to the electorate via and responding to the ‘dislikes’ and ‘likes’ they garner. However, in the run up to the invasion of Iraq over a million people physically went outside and actually marched through London to oppose the Prime Minister. In an unflinching display of political will, he completely ignored them. The courage to defy the largest mobilisation of protesters since Lady Thatcher, peace be upon her, was remarkable. We will not see a public figure with as little regard for the (incorrect) demands of the public for a very long time.


A look back at Britain during Blair’s tenure shows a nation with unparalleled power (among the former empire states of Western Europe). Permanent membership of the UN Security Council, an active nuclear deterrent and a military that was still capable, are indications of why the rest of the world looked to Mr Blair for guidance and protection. And in turn, Blair looked to God for protection and instruction. Ruling by public consensus has long been possible through mass communication tools providing national referendums within the hour. Without these tools though, Blair turned to his faith to guide him on a righteous War on Terror that saw him ignore and dismantle democratic processes, all in the noble pursuit of spreading democracy.

Blair’s war in Iraq allied us with George W. Bush’s United States of America in the event that came to define his premiership. The war hero (and he was a hero), Tony Blair liberated the people of Iraq from the evil clutches of the tyrant Saddam Hussein in a matter of weeks, instantly giving a nation back its freedom. His empathy and compassion influenced him to keep or forces in the country for the next decade to oversee a smooth transition from tyranny to freedom. To the best of my knowledge the people of Iraq are eternally grateful.


Blair was not only concerned with international affairs though. The British people could be proud of their leader travelling the globe, improving the lives of foreigners, but that doesn’t win elections. Anthony Blair was the last Prime Minister to preside over a growing economy. He declared an end to the boom and bust economy, and he was right! In 2007, when he left office the nation’s finances were in great shape and any issues that followed would’ve been unforeseeable at the time.

For the remainder of his career, Lord Blair carried out his position as Middle-East Peace Envoy selflessly and dutifully. One cannot blame Tony for the region’s stubbornness and failure to heed his advice, which I’m certain; would have brought peace to the region. After all, he wasn’t doing it for any personal recompense.

Early reports suggest that the streets will be lined in anticipation of the funeral days before the event itself, creating a festival atmosphere which, I’m sure, he would have claimed to enjoy. The supporters will no doubt honour the emperor of Cool Britannia in true Blair style: grab a guitar, some regular guys and play some classic Oasis. But, don’t look back in anger.


By thelostartofconversation

One comment on “Obituary – Lord Anthony Charles Lynton Blair

  1. I did read it (honest!) but great pictures man, loving that mullet in picture two in particular. I ‘like’ the Brooker-esque futuristic dystopia you hint at, it is hideously realistic.

    Take it easy.

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